2013 may have been the Chinese year of the snake, but it was the Roni year of the black funk, aka depression. I will admit I am prone to being overly anxious and a "negative Nellie" anyway, but through the entire damn year nothing turned out the way I wanted. Nothing happened with my writing -- no fame, no fortune (hey, a writer gal has to dream a little to keep her writer mojo going), barely even any readers. My numbers didn't come up on the MegaMillions jackpot. My over-fifty body started sagging like a building about to implode, and my allergies tortured me regardless of the season. The closest this beach babe came to the beach all year was Biloxi, MS, which isn't a beach at all in my book. Even my new salon job, which I was hoping would turn my life around, had worn me slick by the time the holidays were over. I am not superstitious, but 2013 felt cursed to me. Then when 2014 started off looking just as black, and all I could see on the horizon was more fucuckta circumstances to keep me funked up -- i.e. my bestie moving clear across the country, plus more snow and arctic temperatures on the way to continue the Polar Vortex (un)fun we had all December -- I decided it was time for a fresh start. If I couldn't change my life, then by golly I could change my attitude about my life. And voila, my new mantras were born!
Mantra #1: I DO NOT CARE
I'll give you some background here on where the mantras came from so you won't think I'm trying to act brilliant. Brilliant I am not, but I am smart enough to steal great lines from movies and morph them into mantras. This first one came from "Remember the Titans," an awesome movie I've seen a zillion times, when the white coach's football-crazy daughter Sheryl (played to perfection by a very young Hayden Panettiere) is droning on about the strength of certain players on their team and Nicky, the black football coach's daughter who couldn't care less about football, looks Sheryl in the eye and enunciates crystal clearly: "I do not care." As in, end of discussion. As in, back the "freak" off. That shuts Sheryl up without another word. I've loved that line since the first time I heard it -- the boldness, the fierceness of her conviction -- so I stole it.
Now I don't go around lighting incense and chanting "I do not care" all day. That isn't how my mantras work. But I do say the words in my head -- and sometimes even out loud when no one is listening -- when I need them as a shield to ward off things that threaten to annoy me, make me anxious, or worse yet piss me off. Things like the weather forecast, my bestie moving 1100 miles away, finding out my MegaMillions numbers didn't win AGAIN, or having to wait in the cattle call of poor folks like me to have VITA do my taxes for free -- things that in the past would have opened the door for the black funk to grab hold of me -- are vaporized by my IDNC mantra. How it works I really don't know, but it IS working. DMan even mentioned that I seem more at ease lately and don't go crazy and scream at the TV anymore when the forecast calls for snow or freezing temps.
Don't think that my mantra has made me heartless, though, especially about things like my bestie leaving me. I miss her like crazy! But when I say to myself "I do not care," I mean that I am not going to let the hole her leaving has left in my life swamp me into the depths of the black funk. Instead, I am going to focus on the fact that her new life in Virginia is about making HER dreams come true and let it be a good thing. For both of us. Somehow.
Mantra #2: No Day But Today
This mantra came from lyrics from "Rent," the extraordinary play by Jonathan Larson, who died suddenly the day before the show's first off-Broadway preview performance, that was later turned into a movie. If you haven't seen it, please do. The music is some of the most powerful, moving, and life-affirming you will ever hear. And listening to the lyrics after knowing that Larson died without any warning before realizing the culmination of years of work on his dream piece, it truly hits home that there is no day but today.
I come from a family whose motto is "prior planning prevents piss poor performance," so the here and now, but especially the future, has always been a source of trepidation for me. How can I plan for any contingency I might face? What more can I do to prepare, to insure I am in control of whatever I might face? Combine that mindset with being a first-born, type-A personality, perfectionist with great expectations and it is no wonder that contemplating the future, which was always foremost in my thoughts, was a source of dread and gut-clenching angst. So the "No day but today" mantra is my shield against worries about the future ruining my today, my reminder to relish the right now and forget about the tomorrow that I can't control anyway.
These mantras may seem like no-brainers that shouldn't require repeating in my head just to get me through my day, but honestly, they have been life-savers. Literally. Before I often thought about dying. Not about wanting to "kill myself," just that death would be a relief from the black funks that clouded most of my life. But now my mantra reminds me that if "I do not care" then nothing can get to me. Unless I let it and I choose not to let it. Now my mantra reminds me to pay attention to "No day but today" so I am able to enjoy the little joys that flow through the day instead of squandering them by trying to plan for and control tomorrow. My mantras may be simple and stupid, but they've gotten me through nearly two months of 2014 without a black funk in sight. They feel like miracle mantras, and I'm sticking with them.
If you've got a mantra or some other tool you use to help you get through your funks, I'd love to hear about it. It may help me, it may help someone else. Feel free to use mine if it suits you as well.
"I Do Not Care" scene link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrUMn6RS2Uk
"No Day But Today" link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnOO7vy6DD4
Mantra #1: I DO NOT CARE
I'll give you some background here on where the mantras came from so you won't think I'm trying to act brilliant. Brilliant I am not, but I am smart enough to steal great lines from movies and morph them into mantras. This first one came from "Remember the Titans," an awesome movie I've seen a zillion times, when the white coach's football-crazy daughter Sheryl (played to perfection by a very young Hayden Panettiere) is droning on about the strength of certain players on their team and Nicky, the black football coach's daughter who couldn't care less about football, looks Sheryl in the eye and enunciates crystal clearly: "I do not care." As in, end of discussion. As in, back the "freak" off. That shuts Sheryl up without another word. I've loved that line since the first time I heard it -- the boldness, the fierceness of her conviction -- so I stole it.
Now I don't go around lighting incense and chanting "I do not care" all day. That isn't how my mantras work. But I do say the words in my head -- and sometimes even out loud when no one is listening -- when I need them as a shield to ward off things that threaten to annoy me, make me anxious, or worse yet piss me off. Things like the weather forecast, my bestie moving 1100 miles away, finding out my MegaMillions numbers didn't win AGAIN, or having to wait in the cattle call of poor folks like me to have VITA do my taxes for free -- things that in the past would have opened the door for the black funk to grab hold of me -- are vaporized by my IDNC mantra. How it works I really don't know, but it IS working. DMan even mentioned that I seem more at ease lately and don't go crazy and scream at the TV anymore when the forecast calls for snow or freezing temps.
Don't think that my mantra has made me heartless, though, especially about things like my bestie leaving me. I miss her like crazy! But when I say to myself "I do not care," I mean that I am not going to let the hole her leaving has left in my life swamp me into the depths of the black funk. Instead, I am going to focus on the fact that her new life in Virginia is about making HER dreams come true and let it be a good thing. For both of us. Somehow.
Mantra #2: No Day But Today
This mantra came from lyrics from "Rent," the extraordinary play by Jonathan Larson, who died suddenly the day before the show's first off-Broadway preview performance, that was later turned into a movie. If you haven't seen it, please do. The music is some of the most powerful, moving, and life-affirming you will ever hear. And listening to the lyrics after knowing that Larson died without any warning before realizing the culmination of years of work on his dream piece, it truly hits home that there is no day but today.
I come from a family whose motto is "prior planning prevents piss poor performance," so the here and now, but especially the future, has always been a source of trepidation for me. How can I plan for any contingency I might face? What more can I do to prepare, to insure I am in control of whatever I might face? Combine that mindset with being a first-born, type-A personality, perfectionist with great expectations and it is no wonder that contemplating the future, which was always foremost in my thoughts, was a source of dread and gut-clenching angst. So the "No day but today" mantra is my shield against worries about the future ruining my today, my reminder to relish the right now and forget about the tomorrow that I can't control anyway.
These mantras may seem like no-brainers that shouldn't require repeating in my head just to get me through my day, but honestly, they have been life-savers. Literally. Before I often thought about dying. Not about wanting to "kill myself," just that death would be a relief from the black funks that clouded most of my life. But now my mantra reminds me that if "I do not care" then nothing can get to me. Unless I let it and I choose not to let it. Now my mantra reminds me to pay attention to "No day but today" so I am able to enjoy the little joys that flow through the day instead of squandering them by trying to plan for and control tomorrow. My mantras may be simple and stupid, but they've gotten me through nearly two months of 2014 without a black funk in sight. They feel like miracle mantras, and I'm sticking with them.
If you've got a mantra or some other tool you use to help you get through your funks, I'd love to hear about it. It may help me, it may help someone else. Feel free to use mine if it suits you as well.
"I Do Not Care" scene link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrUMn6RS2Uk
"No Day But Today" link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnOO7vy6DD4
