I've felt like a failure for most of my life. Since I was a kid, I thought I had this big purpose, that I was going to do something super special in my life. And I never did. Oh, I've done a lot of things -- been a massage therapist, managed a retail store, done administrative assistant work a bunch, worked at the library, been a social worker, even wrote two books -- and I didn't totally suck at any of them. But none of the things I've done seemed big or special, hence my recurring feeling that my existence was a waste of the planet's oxygen.
Then last night my bestie Sara and I were sipping cocktails and having a chick chat. Since we've both struggled at times with this "purpose" issue, she shared an epiphany she had recently. She said (and I'm paraphrasing here, I wasn't in any state to actually write it down word for word):
Maybe we don't have some big purpose, like a job or something we'll do. Maybe we are making ourselves nuts for thinking that. Maybe it's just who we ARE that is our purpose. Like you, totally changing DMan's life by introducing him to so many things and ideas and adventures he never would have had without you. And for your mom, you being there as her confidant every day so she doesn't have to carry all the troubles of your family alone. And you make me laugh, especially when I need it so bad. And me, for the way I keep my mom from going crazy over all the things my dad does. And for how our dogs go wild when I come home, like they just couldn't wait for me to be back. And how I got you into "Sex And The City" and now you like fashion and even watch "The Fashion Police." Maybe we don't have to DO anything, just be ourselves and that's enough.
I loved it! If what she said is true, then I haven't been a failure all along because I do try to be myself, even when myself is crrr-azy. Then today I was reading "Love For No Reason" by Marci Shimoff (love it, too! -- look for a review on bookcrrr-azygal.blogspot soon) about a man named Johnny Barnes in Hamilton, Bermuda. Well into his eighties, Mr. Barnes stands for six hours at a roundabout intersection waving at people, calling out "Good Morning!" and "Have a good day!" and "God bless you!" with a huge smile for everyone. He started doing this in the 1940s every morning before work, then upped his time 30 years ago when he retired. People drive the roundabout just to see Johnny every day. The city even erected a statue of him on the opposite side of the intersection so no one would miss his smile or wave. Mr. Barnes said, "When the good Lord wakes me up mornings, puts a song in my heart, joy in my soul, and a smile on my face, I just have to give it away." Now that is sharing the best of himself with the world!
I doubt that I'll never feel like a failure again. It comes too easily for me. But I'm hoping that this new idea of true purpose that Sara turned me on to will help me relax a little about the "big" thing I'm not doing so I can enjoy just "being" a whole lot more.
What's your idea of true purpose? I'd love your feedback!
Then last night my bestie Sara and I were sipping cocktails and having a chick chat. Since we've both struggled at times with this "purpose" issue, she shared an epiphany she had recently. She said (and I'm paraphrasing here, I wasn't in any state to actually write it down word for word):
Maybe we don't have some big purpose, like a job or something we'll do. Maybe we are making ourselves nuts for thinking that. Maybe it's just who we ARE that is our purpose. Like you, totally changing DMan's life by introducing him to so many things and ideas and adventures he never would have had without you. And for your mom, you being there as her confidant every day so she doesn't have to carry all the troubles of your family alone. And you make me laugh, especially when I need it so bad. And me, for the way I keep my mom from going crazy over all the things my dad does. And for how our dogs go wild when I come home, like they just couldn't wait for me to be back. And how I got you into "Sex And The City" and now you like fashion and even watch "The Fashion Police." Maybe we don't have to DO anything, just be ourselves and that's enough.
I loved it! If what she said is true, then I haven't been a failure all along because I do try to be myself, even when myself is crrr-azy. Then today I was reading "Love For No Reason" by Marci Shimoff (love it, too! -- look for a review on bookcrrr-azygal.blogspot soon) about a man named Johnny Barnes in Hamilton, Bermuda. Well into his eighties, Mr. Barnes stands for six hours at a roundabout intersection waving at people, calling out "Good Morning!" and "Have a good day!" and "God bless you!" with a huge smile for everyone. He started doing this in the 1940s every morning before work, then upped his time 30 years ago when he retired. People drive the roundabout just to see Johnny every day. The city even erected a statue of him on the opposite side of the intersection so no one would miss his smile or wave. Mr. Barnes said, "When the good Lord wakes me up mornings, puts a song in my heart, joy in my soul, and a smile on my face, I just have to give it away." Now that is sharing the best of himself with the world!
I doubt that I'll never feel like a failure again. It comes too easily for me. But I'm hoping that this new idea of true purpose that Sara turned me on to will help me relax a little about the "big" thing I'm not doing so I can enjoy just "being" a whole lot more.
What's your idea of true purpose? I'd love your feedback!
First, you're not a failure. Never have been, never will be. 'Nuff said. Stop it, sistah!
ReplyDeleteFurry eyeballs and giggly happiness from the cocktails aside, the gist of what I meant is here. But it's bigger and so much more. Take, for example, the person I referenced who has their 'purpose' defined as their job. That's all this person has. I know for a fact that both you and I would be unable to just have our work as our purpose. What happens if you got fired or when you retire, what then?
I believe happiness in life with your purpose/my purpose/our true purpose is being YOU. To go all Liz Gilbert here, God lives IN you AS you. And I know you're not real religious, but the point is we have a responsibility to ourselves and to the world to just BE. Be you, be the best YOU that you can be.
I got my chance at what I thought was my purpose, regarding work, and it made me miserable. That wasn't the answer. You believed you were meant to be live at the beach and write and yes it made you happy but it also made you sad for what you left behind. So there was something lacking in that being your sole purpose.
I strongly believe that purpose doesn't just mean what job we do for a living. It means who we are in our lives, in the lives of those that matter most to us and who we are in this world. And frankly, my dear, I am of the opinion that you ROCK at your purpose in that sense. You have tried out many different careers. Seriously, how fun is that? You did the beach thing. You published two books. You have a strong family connection. As I said last night, you are with the love of your life and look at how both of your lives have blossomed and become such a force. DMan would tell you as i'm telling you how greatly you have impacted his life. His life has exploded (for the better) as a result of your relationship. You're the voice of reason for your sisters and your mama's rock and a sometimes referee for those hilarious phone calls to your folks. You gave me the gift of 70's Saturday and a bestie that I wouldn't trade for nothin'. In my darkest, hardest days you reached back when I reached out and you talked and listened and gave me 4 seasons of Big Bang Theory that seriously got me through the winter and made me laugh during the days when I prayed my heart would just stop beating. You've never met a dog you didn't love. And you've seriously reinvented yourself. Think of who you were when we met and who you are now. It's amazing. And all it took was one step, one piece of jewelry, one box of haircolor. And you've seriously brought out your best and just keep getting better.
I believe our purpose is to live, laugh and love. Most of us have to work for a living but maybe some of us don't derive our purpose from our occupation. So, we work a job that pays us and gives us insurance and if we don't like it/love it we change what we're doing. That's what i'm doing!
I believe so much that each of us has a purpose to inspire others, to encourage others. And you DO that! Think of that period of time we didn't speak. I pulled back because I know those big brown eyes and that questioning voice would ask me things that I could not answer without reexamining EVERY SINGLE ASPECT of my life. How many people have told you that you should be a counselor? Gobs. Because just in asking and listening, you get to the heart of things and make people bottom line things. That, friend, is a GIFT. And, another purpose to add to your long list.
Wouldn't you rather have tons of smaller things instead of one big whang do?
You know I love ya more than my luggage.
sgm
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Delete"Great minds think alike!" I thought I was writing something new when I commented on "The Transformation" (or was it on "Running"?), "Continue being true to yourself." SGM wrote it first --and so much better! Why am I amazed that I stumbled onto this comment when I know, first of all, what's promised and, secondly, that He is faithful with His promises? "If I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me." (Psalm 139:9-10)
Delete(P.S. I "removed" my first comment because the words weren't quite the way I wanted them when I published it. Since both of you are writers, you can probably understand this peculiarity!)
DeleteLove, love, love your comments! Thanks for pointing out all the ways I'm not a failure and thanks for bringing such SPARKLE to my life!! You da best, bestie!
ReplyDelete