Thank God I'm not a country girl!

   Riding in a combine does not make a body feel good.  Not even for an hour.  At least not my body.
   Let me explain.  DMan was raised on a farm in the tiny town of Purdy and every year he takes a week of vacation to combine fescue seed to get his farm boy fix.  Since I'm not working a real job right now (but I do write every day, so I'm no slacker!), I drove down to Purdy yesterday to go out with him in the combine for a bit and see what it was like.  As the title says, thank God I'm not a country girl.  I'm not cut out for farming.  At all.  
   First, paving was underway on the main highway around Purdy, so we had to drive pot-holey, single-lane back roads for what seemed like 20 miles to get to the fescue fields.  The combine cab is really made for one person, and DMan is a big one at 6' 5" anyway.  So I'm "sitting" on the arm of his chair for the entire ride over because DMan said it would cushion the ride, and I have one heinie cheek hanging completely off the side of the arm and I'm banging into the metal and glass door with every bump.  There were LOTS OF BUMPS.  I'm holding on to anything I can grip so I'm not jostled onto the dirty floor.  The ride goes on forever, and unfortunately I had to pee.  Not a comfy feeling when I am eternally bouncing on a chair arm.
   But we made it to the fescue field finally.  Whew!  Then I scrunch myself onto a wooden stool in the floorboard so DMan can better maneuver the steering wheel.  This was better than riding on the arm because at least I could brace my feet against the front of the cab so I didn't fall off the stool, but worse because my jeans were so tight they were cutting off my thigh circulation and there was no way to stand up and adjust myself.  I tried not to think about that.  Or having to pee.  We were the third combine going around the field and the dust started kicking up almost immediately.  DMan had warned me to bring a microfiber towel to breathe through because he knows my allergies go crazy when it's dusty.  Even breathing through the towel, they did go crazy.  And coughing and sneezing while squatting on a wooden stool is uncomfortable enough without also having to pee.  Plus there was a metal bracket sticking out from his chair that gouged into my side every time I moved (or coughed or sneezed).  
   After several times around the field, DMan had to empty the fescue seed into the seed truck.  The seed gets propelled up a large tube by means of an auger.  Now I'm not totally sure what an auger is, but from my squatting position it felt exactly like I was riding an industrial-size vibrator.  This was the most pleasant part of the entire adventure, besides getting to hang out with my Sweetie and understand what he's talking about when he's combining.  I even forgot about having to pee for a while.
   That is until the seed truck was full, and I got to ride back on those same bumpy country roads in a shock-less truck with DMan's dad to get back to my car.  Then I ended up sitting in road construction traffic for 15 minutes before I could head back to Monett and find the first bathroom in sight.  Ahhhh!  When it finally came my turn to use the bathroom at the Kum-N-Go, I was one happy gal!!
   That's my adventure tale for today.  Yall have a swell Thursday night and stay crrr-azy!  It's so much more fun.